the more u screw me up

my crush is screwing me up. i keep thinking about him at the leastest unexpected times. And when he actually is around.. I don't feel anything. Seriously.. I have no idea what to do.

is it just me? or is it me?

I dunno of it's just me but yesterday, it seemed like my ex-crush was following me around?

Right after my classes before lunch, he was waiting at the rest room area.. with this friend.. When he caught my attention.. he gave me this cute expectant expression. What the hell did he want me to do?, I thought.

But then yeah.. I left it to it. Cos then I was waiting for the wonderful sparks to attack me.. but it didn't.. so yeah.

Anyways, later.. when we were having P.E. in a see through class (so whoever passes by can see whatever embarassing movements or exercise practicals we were doing) And he and his group passed by UNEXPECTEDLY.. (that wasn't usual) Gosh! They even took their time passing by. How humiliating? We were all jumping silly... and our boobies were going everwhere.. haha, thank God for SPORTS BRAS.

:p

Anyways, not only that but the photographers in the multi took pitures of me and Love, shaking hands and doing jumping exercises... THE MORE HUMILIATING IT GETS, NO?

anyways.. that's about it. I'm so telling you guys that I was born to be humiliated. haha!

were they signs?

Ok.. weird day...

1) Saw my crush.. or should I say ex-crush (i stopped being deadly into him cos he figured that I was into him) therefore, knowing that.. I just don't wanna stare at him or make any eye-contact with him anyways. Cos when we were dismissed yesterday at 11.10am, I had this URGE inside me to get in the nearly-closed elivator and when I was about to put my hand in between the elivator doors, it opened. Unexpectedly.. and when I saw who was pressing the elivator 'open' button.

It was him. My crush. My fecking ex- CRUSH!!

Anyways, seeing that, I exited the elivator and waited for another empty one. He was looking directly at me. Gosh, how easily I can melt in those beautiful hazel eyes of his.

Anyways, thinking that that was the end of the story.. I was wrong. When I got in the elivator.. me and a couple of friends decided to crash in the campus cafe just to randomly hang out. Guess who was there?

It was HIM again! Gosh, and yes, once again... Dione tried to get his attention by mentioning my name loudly and asking silly questions with obvious answers. She succeded once again as he looked.. or should I say.. he rather stared. Anyways, unlike the elivator incident in my previous post... strangely, this time.. I didn't burn red and I didn't feel like wishing that the floor would eat me up. Instead, I liked it. I know. Weird right? Gosh, Dione is such a bad influence on me... haha, but I love her anyways.

Anyways, when we were about to leave.. my crush decided to leave as well. They even tried to leave before us. And witnessing such, I decided that we'd stay. Dione left anyways.. but I stayed. I didn't mind. And when my ultimately ex-crush passed by our table, I caught him staring again. But what the heck.. I just didn't really seem to care. Happy, yes. But yeah.. I just didn't seem to feel any sparks anymore.

Yet, knowing so.. I don't know why I am wasting my time writing all these crap in my blog.

2) I joined the uni paper team. Well, I've just applied for it. And while doing so I was given so many mishaps, by God perhaps.. that almost made me give up wanting to join the team:

• when I submitted the application form, I was told that I was to submit the form along with 3 sample works that I've done.. which obviously all my works were left in Brunei!!!!
• Upon writing new sample works.. my laptop was borrowed to a friend and the computer I was using on the condo's ground floor shut down just when I was about a wee bit done from finishing my first draft.
• Stole the two other articles from my blog.. just so that they could get a grip on what kind of writing I love to do.
• It was raining and I had to go back from the uni back to the condo like... err, 5 times.
• When I thought I was ready to submit my works, I noticed that I recopied one of the articles and so I had to go back to the printers to print the new sheet.
• And FINALLY, I was able to submit my work... WET. and SLOPPY.

The lady who collected my work didn't seemed to mind that fact though. But yeah, I do hope I get in.. cos I really worked hard to do everything. It even cost me my whole week's allowance. So yeah.

Anyways, I have alot of assignments piled up for me this week.

* I have 2 essays to write. One of which is also due this week, Friday.
* A 12 paged script that we have to memorize.
* Writing revisions for coming mid-term next week.
* Writing parts on a shortband paper.

Arggghh!!! So for those of you who are reading this.. I have a message for you guys.. "ENJOY HIGH SCHOOL.. COS WHEN YOU GET TO UNI.. IT'S ALL WORK AND NO PLAY.. ERM.. NO FUN AS WELL"

condo crush (?)

ok.. so I was online using the free net access pc on the ground floor of the condo building and decided to go back up to get alot of rest from my horrible week. So I pressed the elivator botton and was waiting for it to reach ground level when this tall, cute filipino guy stood by my side.

When I looked up at him he gave me this boyish grin and so I smiled back.. He looks okay. And then the elivator arrived and we both went in. He asked me which floor I was in and I said "10th" and he pressed the 7th and 10th floor buttons.

He was giving me the signs that he wants my number (he took out his cellphone from his pocket and gave me this inquiring look) But he remained silent so I pretended not to get what he meant.

So yeah, after that he had to leave the elivator.

I think I may have seen him before already. My suspection is on the condo rooftop. See, I have this habit of going to the building's garden at the rooftop to watch the sun set around 6pm. And I think he's the guy who watches it with me up there. I'm not sure though.. cos I never really look at the people around me at that time... I'm just usually concentrating on the sight of the glorious sun.. so I don't try to see who might me up there with me.

Anyways, I have filipino coming up in 10 minutes. We HAVE to freaking sing.. can you believe?

Worst week

Here are my reasons:

• I was caught talking about my crush in the caf, BY my crush himself.
• Was rendered speechless in my graded presentation in class.
• Was humiliated inside of the elevator, with my crush in it by my friend.
• Got a first offence slip in school for wearing a freaking pair of slack slippers. Therefore, also meaning that I have a record in the school. I hate the DOs.
• We have to fecking sing infront of the class in filipino tomorrow.

I just hope my weekend will be better. GOD, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?

wanna see my uni?

This is the campus that I got to.. The SDA Building (School of Arts and Designs)The feild in the main campus, taft area.

The founder of the university.
More green.. tents were set up for signing in the school organizations.
SDA Building through the rooftop of the main campus.
The Villarosa park.. where the students study and hang out.
Frosh Concert night : where the family welcomes the newcomers and people perform.. Didn't attend this but hey, stole the pics from friends anyways.

As this is an art school there are ballerinas and all those hip hop dancers that performed that night. Peace out (not my hand)

And darkness turned to light.
Guy singing his heart out.. till there was no voice left.
The whole of the concert night. Beautiful, no?

embarassment prone person.

Okay, remember in my previous post I mentioned that I saw my crush in the cafeteria (?) well.. if you're asking how I can say that my week went horrible.. here's the story:

When my friend pointed out that my crush was in the cafeteria.. I kind of mentioned his name out loud without realizing that I was doing so. And his friends were like staring at me like "what the hell".

and behold.. the story's not over yet..

Just now.. right after lunch, I was scheduled P.E. and so when we were on the elivator on the way to our P.E. class, my crush suddenly enters the elivator which was about to close by 2 inches. He got in. (Oh Gosh.. I was breathless.. he was GORGEOUS!! Wearing a crispy long-sleeved with it's cuffs folded to the elbow, faded jeans and he had his cellphone on his hand) And I suddenly became quiet.. -I also felt the elivator heaten up.. or wait, was it just me?- cos as I have already mentioned in my previous post.. HE HAS THIS EFFECT ON ME. He just makes me wanna watch him all day. Anyways, when Dione noticed that I was turning scarlet... she said " Ohh.. Karen has a crush" with her sing-a-song voice! I stood agog.. wishing that the elivator floor would eat me up. But of course that didn't happen. Instead.. my crush looked at me and he gave me this expression - i have no idea if it was good or bad. And then he had to leave cos his class was in the 9th floor and ours was in the 12th. It's my first time seeing him alone and so quiet cos I usually see him happily chatting with his friends.. but this time, he looked serious - the look makes him so much HOTTER!! Plus, he wasn't using his usual bag pack which gave him this ordinary-school-boy look, just now he was with his shoulder bag.. Sighs!

Oh my God!!!!

What did I do to deserve that!! This week!!! I was mad at Dione for awile but like always.. it fades so yeah. I don't ever hold grudges with anyone.. But still - it was public humiliation. Plus, why did he have to be in the same floor???!?! Everyone says so. Sighs. But life must go on..

presentation break down

we had to do this presentation just now... about Jose Rizal as our national hero.. and guess what's the worst thing that could ever happen to you while speaking in front of everyone - even the teacher..?

My mind went blank.. yes, for the whole of the 5 minutes!!!

But after that I was okay.. Still no.. it was embarassing!!!

*gasps*

Saw my crush in the cafeteria again!!

He was wearing this super sexy polo shirt. Oh My Gosh!! Took my breath away when I realized he was there. Sighness. He always has that effect on me. And I can't even help it.

friends

hey.. me just in. well, like any usual posting day.. I have just came from my lessons in SDA (School of Designs and Arts). Classes were terrifyingly horrible.. I am so way behind my scheduled reviews cos things have been hectic-er than usual.

Sighs.

So not easy.. I'm telling you - its soooo much different in uni compared to high school. Not even close to it actually. But yeah, we all try our best to adjust and everything.

OMG!! I just saw my crush afew hours ago too. He's like the first guy that I have a crush on since I began here in uni.. Saw him in the cafeteria today - eating. Sighs. He's just GAWWWJUSS (even when he chews)!!! Seriously, he's like one of the hearthrobs here in CSB ( well, the list is really endless ) but yeah, he's like one of those guys who girls usually go crazy for.. and the plus side here is that ' HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE '. And he treats everyone the same; charmingly nice and witty. Sighs more.

I'm abit shaky right now.. that's what happens when I drink coffee from STARBUCKS regularly and suddenly stops.. well, not only STARBUCKS really, basically any type of caffein would do. Haha! It's one of the weird facts about me.

:)

By the way, we've been having all these group works in our classes and all that I've started getting to know most of my classmates and frankly, they're not as bad as I imagined. Actually, they're really nice. Guess it was just me being me. Sighs. I guess leaving Brunei and leaving every close friend has made me a loner when I got here that I had tried not to make friends whom I can be close to in the future. In short, scared to put another friendship at stake. Or whatever. Anyways.. I'm outta here.

not a weird texter anymore

ok..so the weird texter creep turns out to be a guy from one of my classes. Less than 24 hours ago.. I have just ruined my chance to be in a really good relationship with this super NICE and CUTE guy from one of my classes. Sighs. I feelso down right now so I's stopping here before I start breaking the keyboard.

weirdo texter

last night i got a message from a stranger. I thought that the person was my classmate.. and so I replied back this morning.

Turns out he missent the message cos he wasnt my classmate after all. We do go to the same university but we have different courses. He's a film making student. So yeah!

Why im posting this? Cos I'm wondering how my number reached him!!

Bone Tired.

hey, finished P.E. Lessons about half an hour ago and just like after every P.E. classes.. I am so exhausted. Today we did a 10 metre shuttle run, long jumps and the seat and reach exercise. Anyways, too exhausted to cook so I'll be going out with a friend to dinner in the mall in right about 10 minutes.

Wonderful weekend.

The weekend was a blast. Disappointed that it had to end so quickly. Wished that my family was there to enjoy it with me too. Have a crush on this guy who payed for a meal in a beautiful restaurant. hahah!


Anyways, my classes has ended for about two hours ago. And knowing that I'll be alone in the unit . With nothing or no one around but the lonely, deadly silence to comfort me is just something that I have started to dread. But here are afew things that keep me alive:

• DVDs.
• me laptop and cellphones.
• the gym, garden and the rooftop overviewing the city.
• new CREATIVE iPod.
• STARBUCKS branches (they're just always around the corner!)
• Food - my best company!!
• Not to mention... the ONE and ONLY... CHOCOLATES!!!

the strangest feeling

Ok I know that it's not normal for me to write an entry twice a day but this I juust gotta write about. So I was browsing the internet.... and I came across a page of an old friend. He may have been the sweetest most amazing guy friend I may have ever known. Why do I say that? Well, there was a point in my life where I got bullied but afew of my classmates. I have no idea for what particular reason specificly but yeah. I was.

And being so, it came to the point where no one wanted to be my friend because once they talked to me.. that person too would be tortured by the same bully. So yeah. Anyways, I had no one by my side. No one to talk to and no one to help me with the doubts I was having with the lessons which were bing taught to us.

And one day, that special friend came up to me and sat beside me. Asked me what the hell I was doing sitting alone all by myself. I explained to him about the bullies.. thinking that he didn't know. But he did. And he told me.

So what happened you all may ask? Well, instead of turning his back on me just like everone else.. he HELD my hand. Saying that everything was going to be okay. And yes, he too got bullied. But he didn't take any of it. Neither did he take any of it seriously. I was so amazed with him that we became really good friends.. he taught me how to play piano. And I taught him the basics of singing.

I knew that I wasn't alone anymore. He was so different. So unique. So special.

But when I left for further studies.. we lost touch. He was so busy being in a varsity. and I was busy with my own life too.

And just afew minutes ago.. I saw his page. And he now too.. has someone special in his life. Someone who would love him back.. To make him happy. I just hope he doesn't get hurt.

But writing all these.. I know I can never build up the guts to spill it out on him. To say how he made my life easier, bearable.. and for showing me that I shouldn't care what others think of me. And that I should live life to the fullest. Hence, I am so thankful to God for giving me a friend like him. He made me happy once, now.. it's his turn to be happy too.

back at home with real food and real people

I'm here in the province for the weekend. And so far it rocks. First off.. guys seem to endlessly introduce themselves to me this week. And I never thought I'd ever say this.. but guys actually make a very good company. Even better than girls sometimes. I mean, here in uni.. most of the girls are all about gossips and girl talks and all those kikay-ish types who talk about guys, make up, clothes ALL THE TIME.. I don't think I'll ever be one of those. But not wanting to be close to them doesn't mean that I don't like 'em.. They're nice and all.. it's just me I guess. Anyways, I have to go now.. must enjoy the food before I go back to fast foods and junks on tuesday! Love y'all! Ttfn!

my first P.E. class in 5 years

150 sit-ups, 20 push ups and 100 step ins. That's what we did just now. And truthfully, it's not bad at all. Infact I never knew that I could do it til today. Haha! Having asthma and all has always excused me from getting too exhausted. But this year I wanted it to be different - and so it's starting to be. Sighs!

Craziness!! My head hurts!

Well I lost track of what time it is right now. But the list of things to do is still endless. I think my head is never around anymore. I think it just stays at my condo while I go and rush of to uni.. Trying really hard to be strong and hoping that everything would come back to normal... but I don't really know when that time will ever be. Anyways, atleast the pile of homework has decreased to a very little amount. But hey, that's abit of an improvement right? Anyways, it is my first time being completely independent. Yes, as in COMPLETELY. I was left off here in the BIG city while my aunt who usually takes care of me is back in the province (yes, the one which takes about 7 hours) So yeah, been doing things by myself. Arggh! This is really crazy aye??

I had spiced up noodles with abit of steamy hot soup, steamed hot dogs (cooked/ heated by me) Haha! 2 bars of snickers energy bar and a bottle of Getorade and of course, 2 cups of wonderfully distilled water. Nit bad aye? For the first time? haha!

I need to survive!

Omg! Dennis, you're back! haha, it's okay. I know how life gets pretty hectic sometimes.

Anyways, it has officially been my second week in this uni. And MAN it's tiring. With no car to drive.. you really get muscle aches in the places where you didn't even know possible. Man, who would have known that life would be like this? yeah yeah, I know.. God. But common!

Sighs.

I get the feeling that I'm so not making any sense once again.. but hey, it's MY blog. So I'm writing down what's really in my head. Anyways, homeworks for me have piled up in my room. And whenever I get home.. I kinda hear voices telling me to do them. And get it all done with. But my body's telling me to rest!!

Geesh!!

And living life withou a family isn't as easy as most people think. You gotta do laundry, clean up, do the dishes, pile everything up neatly cos you never really know who'd suddenly give you surprise visits. Gosh! And the chores... gosh they're endless! Homeworks aren't even included here. Arrrgggghh!!!

Right now I have to do a coverage on the components on physical fitness, a review on a long, long quiz in algebra, research in the means of communicating in fiipino, photocopy my sem's sched and do an early reading on Jose Rizal and afew important occasions that happened in the 19th century.

Please my friends... pray for me...... and that I'll live a longer life!

Life's like this.

Well, classes have officially started. And achedemically, it's good. Made friends already but I just don't feel like hanging out much with them. I don't know why. Anyways, the uni is a cool place. We have access to all the past articles since the 18th century I think.. maybe even further (?) We have no limitations to go online. They can even provide us with free internet access at home. So many cute guys too. Anyways, been busy.. infact I am busy right now.. but considering that I haven't been online much.. I owe you guys this update.

You take care!